Things that you want to do and not what people want you to do. Ofcourse, they have to be things that make you happy and are not self destructive.
But almost every person around the globe faces challanges doing the things we love. Whether it’s a hobby or simply obeying to one’s religion and beliefs.
And why is that?
It’s because of our deteriorated self confidence. We let ourselves become victims of inferiority complex on the tiniest things and mistakes.
Society will always pressure you into being this or that. We are brainwashed daily into believing it. Each one has his or her opinion. That’s okay. Deep down in your heart, you know who you are. Don’t let people pressure you into becoming something you are not.
-Mufti Ismail Menk
So go out there and rock yourselves out. You don’t have to be an eyecandy for others. You don’t have to be that ‘stereotyped examplery child’ for the society. You can only become examplery when you embrace yourself and work hard to making yourself a positive individual. You will find your amazing innerself. Afterall, every cloud has a silver linning.
Empaths are people who can feel emotions of people around them. They have the ability to understand and care for others through hard times. However, unaware empaths can poses danger to themselves and those around them because they can be mishandled mentally and taken advantage of. So here are a few signs of unaware empaths.
1. Attract energy vampires.
2. Struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem.
3. Live as people pleases.
4. Feel ill and drained of energy when surrounded by big crowds.
Formation of identity is one of the most important part of a person’s life. Erik Erik’s on who originated the concept of identity crisis in his work as a developmental psychologist believes that identity is something that shifts and grows throughout life as people confront new challenges and tackle different experiences. Formation and growth are not confined to adolescence.
Identity crisis is when you start to question who you are and who you want to be. It usu arises in teenagers starting from the age of 12 to 18.
There are quite a few obvious causes for identity crisis in teens. Some of them include:
1. Lack of attachment to parents.
2. Low self-esteem.
3. Absence or negative influence of adults.
4. Lack of acceptance in a peer group.
5. Experiencing a traumatic event.
These are just a few, very common reasons behind identity crisis. It is also common among people with mental illness including depression, codependence, bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.
Symptoms of identity crisis
1. An unrealistic or distorted perception of oneself.
2. Poor academic performance or failure.
3. Low self-esteem.
4. Dramatic behaviour.
5. Use of illegal substances or other self-harming behaviours.
Now let’s discuss the treatment for identity crisis.
1. The most common and suggested way of treatment is to take your time looking inwards and self reflection. Differentiate between your opinions about yourself and what others say about you. Then differentiate between who you are and who you want to be. To do this you can also turn to someone trustworthy to help you out or seek professional help.
2. While searching for your identity, find common and easy things that make you happy. This will help you stay positive and get rid of anxiety that follows identity crisis.
3. Do not compare yourself to others. Comparison can kill your personality. Remember that we are always changing and that nothing stays the same. So do not take your imperfections too seriously to the point where it can become self destructive. Be gentle and kind to yourself especially when others around you don’t.
4. Define your values. Values and personal beliefs, especially your religion can help you grow and lead you in the right direction. It will help you find your voice and sense of self. It will also be helpful to you when you are going to make some crucial choices in your life. It can give you a sense of reassurement when making important decisions.
5. If you are surrounded by toxic people and there is no way to get away from them, then learn to isolate yourself. It’s better to be alone then to be around people that will affect your state of mind in a negative way. Try to find peace in being in your own company. Focus on healing and practising self improving behaviours.
Self-doubt is defined as lack of confidence in oneself and one’s ability. People experience uncertainty most of the time and find it hard to trust their own-selves when it comes to making a concrete decision. Self-doubt is also cause due to an anxiety disorder. It is very common to find it hard to reaching upto your own or other’s expectation when suffering from self-doubt.
How to beat self-doubt?
1. First of all, everyone experiences self-doubt at some point in their lives. So do not panic and seek for help instead of going all bonkers when you realise you are suffering from self-doubt. Take it easy.
2. Do the opposite of what your mind tells about you to make you question your abilities. Van Gogh said that, ” if you hear a voice within you say ‘you can’t paint’ then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. So go ahead and do all those little things your brain tells you, you can’t do. Submit this idea into your subconscious mind by repeating it.
3. Train your self confidence. To do this is to have the courage to do the things you think you’ll fail at. But most importantly do not expect yourself to win right away. Just be stubborn and keep doing it while changing your strategies till you make it.
Toxic positivity is a belief where people themselves to stay positive in difficult situations no matter how they feel about it.. It doesn’t relay the message of optimism. It leaves no space for our emotions which are necessary to stay mentally healthy.
For example, you’ve been betrayed many times and you find it hard to trust anyone. Then there comes someone who tries to uplift you by telling you to be just positive or stop being so negative. That’s toxic positivity. It doesn’t allow you to express yourself freely even though it comes sincerely for your best. It just isn’t humane. We as human beings must be able to express our negative emotions just as much as expressing positivity.
Since toxic positivity is a mindset it’s going to be hard to just shrug it off. But it isn’t impossible.
1. To cope with toxic positivity is to grasp the concept of optimism where it allows space for negative emotions instead of burying them.
2. Do not bottle up. Let it out. Things won’t turn out for the best sometimes and that’s ok. It’s normal to experience highs and lows in life.
3. Avoid Ignoring your emotions. Face and embrace them. Take your time whil affirming yourself with positivity.
4. Never shame yourself or others for your emotions. Be polite and accept your emotions with open arms.
5. Greet your feelings with self-compassion when you are denied the right to express yourself.
Sensory overload is a condition where the body’s senses experience over-stimulation from their surroundings. For example, multiple conversations, crowded areas, too much bright lights or multitasking.
Sensory overload has different reasons and symptoms and can vary from person to person. It is also caused due to certain mental health issues such as autism, sensory processing disorder, PTSD and much more. However, everyone experiences sensory overload at some point in their lives. But some people might experience it on a daily basis. That’s why it’s important to look for ways to manage it. There is no specific treatment for sensory overload but it can be manageable. For us to be able to tackle it, we must know it’s cause and symptoms first.
What are the causes of sensory overload?
Sensory overload occurs when the brain struggles to process many sensory inputs at the same time. But for people struggling with it on a regular basis can even be overwhelmed by going to schools or offices.
People that experience regularly especially ones suffering from sensory processing disorder, might have a biological basis for such problems.
Having a very sensitive and reactive central nervous system can also over-stimulate a person’s brain, making it hard to process sensory inputs. Processing internal and external stimuli such as feelings, thoughts, noises, smells and lights can also lead to sensory overload.
What are the symptoms of sensory overload?
Like I mentioned earlier, the symptoms of sensory overload can vary from person to person. But here are a few symptoms that are commonly caused in many individuals due to sensory overload.
1. It is difficult to ignore loud sounds or strong smells.
2. It can cause anxiety and fear in some people leading to discomfort most of the time.
3. Loss of focus.
4. Extreme sensitivity to clothing or other textures.
How to cope with sensory overload?
1. Find out the reasons that caused it so it can become easier for you to avoid them.
2. Make a list of items you need to shop so you won’t be overwhelmed by the variety of things.
3. Don’t engage in crowded areas when you’re outside your premises or at large gatherings.
4. Know your limit and leave gatherings or crowded places before you get triggered.
5. Get plenty of rest. Drink alot of water and surround yourself with nature to calm down.
Before we dive into the differences let’s know what an empath & narcissist are.
What is an empath?
An empath is a word extracted from empathy which is an act of understanding others and our own emotions. Empath are the type of people who can sense others feelings as if they were to be their own. To put it straight it’s having someone else’s feelings as their own.
What is a narcissist?
Narcissist is a person that has narcissistic traits wether they are aware of them or not. Narcissism is a pursuit of gratification from vnity or admiration of an idealised image of one’s own-self. Some people suffer from narcissistic personality disorder. It’s an extreme self-involvement to the point where the person suffering from it will act selfishly and dismiss the feelings of those around them. They lack empathy and are control freaks. But not everyone with narcissistic personality traits has narcissistic personality disorder.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN EMPATH AND NARCISSIST
1. Empath can sense if people are uncomfortable or lying while niarcissts often use lying and manipulation as a control tactic.
2. Empath need to spend some time alone to recharge while narcissist love to be around people who appreciate their personalities and feel above everyone else.
3. Empaths take responsibility for their actions and narcissists, instead of acknowledging their wrongdoings blame others for their mishaps.
4. Trained empaths feel fulfilled and do not seek validation from others. Narcissists on the other hand never feel fulfilled and depend on acknowledgement from others.
5. Untrained empaths walk on eggshells around others to avoid a negative reaction. Narcissists do not care about others. They see themselves above everyone else.
People who refuse to talk to you or not even acknowledge your presence, constantly give you the cold shoulder use the silent treatment to control you emotionally. It is a form of passive abuse.
Is it a good tactic or bad?
Obviously bad. It’s a form of emotional abuse which makes people feel rejected. It also has a negative effect on people’s self-esteem. It is a way to inflict pain on others without physically bruising the other.
Why people use the silent treatment?
There can be many reasons and all of them for negative purposes. But here are a few general ones.
1. To hurt or avenge you.
2. Blame you for their own mishaps & problems.
3. Use it in order to control you entirely to build you according to their standards.
4. Emotionally manipulate another person.
5. It is just another form of gaslighting.
6. To devalidate someone and make them feel worthless regardless of intention.
How does it have a bad effect on you?
1. It causes emotional distress.
2. It causes behavioural changes that can get out of control.
3. It strains relationships.
4. In some cases it can lead to depression.
5. Hinders healthy communication.
How to deal with it?
1. If possible find the reason for it and do confrontations in a polite manner.
2. Do not treat others back with silent treatment because it can have a negative impact on your mental health too.
3. Show them that you are accepting and available to talk when the other person feels comfortable.
Anger is one of the very strong feelings that all living beings experience. It is the complete opposite of pleasure. We feel angry when someone has done us wrong or even angry and frustrated with our own-selves when we do something wrong. Anger is a way to express discontent and our negative feelings. The life span of anger of a normal person is 15 minutes. It fades away after 15 minutes wether expressed negatively or positively.
How to manage anger?
1. Acknowledge it.
Just like any other feeling we experience, we need to acknowledge our anger and it’s reasons. From there on it becomes easier to express it positively and save ourselves the trouble getting angry again over the same issue. We need to find better solutions to execute something to stop getting angry that often over the same thing.
2. Figure out our emotions that cause us to be angry.
Wether it’s jealousy, grief, betrayal e.t.c. We need to know why and what makes us angry in order to tackle is successfully.
3. Stand up and walk around or go for a jog/exercise
Like I mentioned in my post about coping with bad temper, distracting yourself by doing physical exercise, calms us down which helps us with managing our emotions. It helps us to focus on finding better solutions rather than wasting time on doing unnecessary things due to anger.
4. Learn breathing exercises.
Learning to meditate or focus on our breathing can help us calm down. It is another form of distracting skills that can help in dealing with anger. It supplies more oxygen to our brain in order to help us make radional decisions.
5. Write down your feelings.
Write down your feelings and reasons for them. Also write down your reactions. It’s the best way to find solutions for your problems, anger being one of them. Based on our behaviour and reasons we can manage our anger by ourselves. Another solution is to seek professional help if we can’t seem to control excessive anger.
Sometimes we feel ashamed of a mistake that we made. We realise, acknowledge and accept it. In most cases we also apologise for it sincerely. This is cause by remorse. But guilt is the feeling where we only know the fact that we have done a misconduct with or without apologising for it.
Like I mentioned in my blogpost for What is Guilt, that it is a toxic emotion that will most likely lead us astray if not tackled with skills and awareness.
Remorse on the other hand is a better clone of guilt, where we feel ashamed of what we have done. We apologise for it in whatever way possible.
Guilt can be felt for even things that we’ve not done. For example we feel guilty for not helping our friends solve a problem when they are at odds with each other. Or we feel guilty for not cooking healthier for our loved ones when we know a certain diet maybe dangerous for them.
But when we are remorseful, we realise that it’s because of our negligence towards our loved ones that they fall sick due to our unhealthy cooking method. So we change it for the best of their health.
While guilt and remorse might feel the same, it’s important to know the differences and learn to use them in positive ways. For the sake of our own best interests and those around us.
Dealing with guilt needs to be done skillfully. If we can’t filter out our emotions and let guilt consume us, we can fall into an endless pit of stress.
However, acknowledging our mistakes and feeling sorry about it can help us move on without being dragged by our misconduct. The guilt that we feel can give us a positive outcome.
Here are a few simple steps to deal with guilt the right way and cultivating positive outcomes from it.
1. Just like any other problem, we need to find the root cause for our guilt and name it so it can become easier for us to tackle it. Sometimes we can feel guilty for problems that have no connection to us. Or we blame ourselves for something that’s not in our control. Even feeling too guilty for a mistake made in the past can take a big toll on our mental health.
We need to constantly remind ourselves that we are human and we’re not perfect. Mistakes are made due to our negligence but the right thing to do is to realise and revise our actions instead of hoping on to a train of endless guilt that will do us more harm than good.
2. Be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself.
Do not talk to yourself as if you are a criminal that doesn’t deserve a second chance. Talk to yourself with compassion. Realise what’s the real deal instead of going with the guilty thoughts in our heads. Make the situation clear and act accordingly.
Don’t let guilt paint you the wrong picture about yourself. Learn from your mistakes and then leave them in the past, where they belong. Try to redeem yourself whenever possible and move on.
3. Admit your wrongdoings instead of avoiding them.
Don’t let guilt bog you down and let you behave in a petty manner. Apologise for your mistakes. Do not defend your immature behaviour by avoiding an apology. Otherwise you will be forever stuck with the guilt that’ll gnaw at you all the time and influence your future actions in a negative way.